Degrees of Sanity
by Orilon
Summary: CM Punk is being stalked. ROH Slash CM Punk Jimmy Rave Rating is for language and themes of stalking.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Degrees of Sanity

Author: Orilon

Rating: R for Punk's potty mouth tendencies and themes of stalking

Pairing: CM Punk/Jimmy Rave

Disclaimer: Everything from Ring of Honor belongs to Gabe Sapolsky and Cary Silkin and the wrestlers belong to themselves. Title comes from Savatage's Edge of Thorns CD

Distribution: If you want it, take it, but let me know where.

Summary: Punk's being stalked.

Feedback: Please.

As I'm changing for my match, my hair stands up on the back of my neck and I get the disturbing feeling I'm being watched.

This is the third or fourth time this has happened in general but the first time it's happened in the locker room. At first I thought that I was just being paranoid and getting flash backs, but it feels more real than a flashback. I've had enough of those, which Colt has had to get me out of, to know the difference.

It's pissing me off that it's happening here now, but really pisses me off that the first few times happened at the hotel. I was almost to the point of reestablishing my sense of safety but this has set me back. If I believed in luck I would say just my fucking luck just as I'm building a new relationship and was about back on my feet mentally, this happens.

I have suspicions but no proof as to what is going on, and if I'm right, I can't believe some people would go that low. Plus if I'm right, it's more than just sick, it's dangerous. In the past, people have attacked my "girlfriends" to get at me mentally, and I am afraid to know what they would do if they realize that in real life I have a boyfriend, Jimmy Rave.

They have created angles with me dating whatever girl they place with the Saints to cover the fact that I'm actually dating a guy, and if what I think is going on is actually happening…I have a feeling that if they're sick enough to watch me in the locker room and hotel room, they're sick enough to let the info out of who I'm actually dating and use him against me.

He isn't involved any of my angles, and I don't want him to be caught up in my shit. He has enough problems of his own. I don't want him to be used in any way. I've been there and it sucks.

I jump when I feel someone's hand on my shoulder. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realize that someone had come in. I look up and I'm relieved to see Colt but the look in his eyes lets me know that he suspects something, and like before, he expects me to tell him after the match. We have a tag match soon and I need to concentrate on that now and can deal with this later.

I close my eyes and slip into ring character, letting the false confidence and sense of being better than everyone slide over me. It's harder than usual, but I find my core of concentration, and as we head for the ring curtain, I feel ready and my mind is on my match.

After the match as soon as we get back to the locker room, I can see in Colt's eyes that he wants to know what was going on, but before I can say anything, I see a tape on the bench. There's no label, but I do see a post it with Jimmy's writing saying I had to see this.

When we get back to the hotel I immediately put in the tape in and step back in shock and sink onto one of the beds when I see whoever is holding the camera is walking towards the hotel we were staying at several weeks ago and then up to a window of one of the rooms. There is a space in between the blinds, and I see myself curled around Jimmy Rave with my head on his shoulder and the blankets are pulled up to our waists, so if you took it wrong, it looked like we were naked. In reality, we both had sweats on but you can't tell that.

The first time that I felt like was being watched was right then, so now I have an explanation for that feeling. Whoever it was didn't tape all of what happened that night, but what he did tape was bad enough. It's enough proof to anyone that has a brain that I don't have a girlfriend in real life. The screen goes blank and I know what was coming next. Or so I thought.

I'm surprised to see a different hotel then I expected and this time he goes from window to window but doesn't stop at one. I guess he didn't know, or couldn't find which one we were in that time.

The scene shifts again to another unexpected hotel but he does find our window and I'm shocked to see us literally sleeping together. There were more times than I knew about apparently. After an half and hour of footage of just us sleeping he apparently gets bored and the screen goes blank.

Next is the hotel I was expecting and the second time I actually was aware of being watched. This time it was me and Colt, not sleeping together but having one of our "disagreements," the topic of this one being that I better not leave Jimmy.

The next thing I see is me changing tonight from behind. So when I had the feeling of being watched, I was actually being taped. The screen goes blank and stays blank just before I get the idea to look out the door.

I put my face in my hands, and I have no idea of what I should say or do. I nod with my face still in my hands when Colt asks if this had something to do with earlier.

Since the post it said I should see this, I know that Jimmy saw it. I don't know how he got it, however I'm worried about what it means if the person who taped it gave it to him. Do they want to blackmail us for some reason? The footage of us together could be used against us, and since whoever it is sick enough to tape through hotel windows, black mail is a possible next step.

There's a knock on the door and when Colt answers, its Jimmy. Before I can say anything Colt shoots me a "if you say anything stupid, I will hurt you" look.

When I ask him where he got the tape, he said that Alex Shelley gave it to him, with the comment that he would be interested in seeing it. When he watched it he said that he got sick and had to stop it during the first scene and was glad he didn't watch the rest when we told him what was on it.

From his comment, we think that it was Alex Shelley taping us with his new camera, but we have no idea why he taped us in the first place or why he gave it to Jimmy.

I guess it's just a matter of wait and see what he does next.


	2. Theatre of the Damned

Title: Theatre of the Damned

Author: Orilon

Rating: Hard R for language, mentions of non-con and frotteurism

Pairing: CM Punk/Jimmy Rave (present), CM Punk/Raven (past)

Spoiler warning: Austin Aries, Alex Shelly and Jack Evans vs. CM Punk, Ace Steel and Jimmy Jacobs match from ROH Gold

Disclaimer: Everything from Ring of Honor belongs to Gabe Sapolsky and Cary Silkin, and the wrestlers belong to themselves. Title comes from Chris Poland's Return to Metaloplis CD.

Distribution: If you want it, take it, but let me know where.

Summary: Sequel to Degrees of Sanity. The mind games continue

Author's Note: Thank you to Knyt and Charlie for inspiration and ideas for this

Feedback: Please.

I can't believe it when I get back to the locker room and there is a tape with a note.

I'm disgusted when I read Alex Shelley say that how Jimmy and I were hot and how he enjoyed rubbing against me in our recent match. The bastard also wrote that he enjoyed seeing Austin Aries and Jack Evans hold my legs during the match and would like to see them holding me down while he fucked my hair. The rest the of the note says that he's heard about some 'skills' that Raven taught me and he wants to experience them first hand.

I close my eyes and drop the note when at the very end of the note he says that he would show a certain tape to Jimmy and Colt if I don't 'demonstrate.' I was in a fucked up relationship with Raven when I was taught those and forced to 'practice' against my will. I know that Raven taped them, and that's the tape that he wants to show them.

Colt already knows about it, and he's proven over the years that nothing I or others can do can drive him away. I'm not so certain about Jimmy; the relationship is too new for me to know that nothing will drive him away from me.

If Alex thinks that he can hold that over my head to make me get involved in his sick games, he doesn't know me. A long time ago I vowed to not be manipulated into acting like a slut again. I've walked away before and I can do it again, although this is going to hurt more. I love him, but I refuse to let myself or him be used.

I curse myself for not paying attention when someone rubs against me from behind. I stay quiet when he rubs himself harder against me and try to get away. Alex grabs me hard and pins me in the corner. I move away from his hand when he tries to rub it against my jaw but I can't get away because he's holding on to me hard. I try to ignore him rubbing against me and his words about how hot I am and how he wants me.

I'm no longer hearing Alex's voice but get caught in memories of Raven grabbing me and making me suck him off but I'm knocked out of it when someone hits me in the head. I look up rubbing my head and see Colt, rubbing his hand, and Jimmy.

Jimmy gets down on his knees, the same level I am, and I nod when he asks permission to hold me. I feel dirty and want to pull away but I also need his warmth so I just wrap my arms around him and bury my nose in his hair, letting the smell ground me in the present. In the present, I don't have Raven after me; in the present, I do have a choice.

I look up when Colt says that he knows and when he looks at the back of Jimmy's head, I have a feeling that he means that he knows about some of what happened. I'm relieved that he knows, but I would have liked to have been able to tell him in my own time, however that is another thing the bastard took from me. I see Colt pick up the tape and note, and I know that he'll want to talk about it when we go back the hotel room; the locker room is not the place to go over that story.

When I'm calm enough to be able to stand up and not shake I get up and he gets up with me and we go back to the hotel room. As soon as we get inside and lock the door, Jimmy asks what that was about before Colt or I can say anything.

Apparently, Alex was leaving as they came in during my flashback episode and said something suggestive to Jimmy before he left. I don't like telling Jimmy the story about my past with Raven this way, but I have no choice. Between my getting caught in the flashback earlier triggered by what Alex said and Alex's comment, I have to tell him but I would have liked to have had the choice of when and how.

I refuse to let Alex manipulate me into being his slut. Colt started the process of telling him what he knew about the past, and I'm finishing it with the details. If he leaves, it will tear my heart out, but better my heart on the floor than under anyone's control.

I fight the urge to 'almost drown myself in the shower' as Colt puts it after I tell him because I feel dirty from remembering Raven touching me and Alex rubbing against me. After I tell him I'm surprised when he says that he won't leave and it wasn't my fault. I finally do end up taking a shower to wash off the sweat from the match and try to wash off the touches.

After I get out of the shower, I hear a crash and throw on some shorts before going out into the main room to see a rock on the floor that had been thrown through the window with a picture and post it tied to it. The picture is Alex skull fucking me during a recent match and the note is from Alex saying how he enjoyed skull fucking me in the match and he would have done more if we hadn't been in public. In a PS he mentions that he would be seeing Jimmy again very soon.

I close my eyes and a wave of disgust goes through me. I hear Jimmy ask me what the note said and I gave it to him to read. Apparently, he's watching us through the windows again. Pissed off, I throw on a shirt and shoes and go outside to see if he is still looking through our window. Jimmy follows behind me, saying that he refuses to leave me alone again after what happened in the locker room.

We look around the bushes outside of the hotel room but don't see him and I thought I heard a laugh but I couldn't place it. After few minutes of searching we figure that he must have thrown the rock and ran so we start go back inside and just as we're to the door, I hear him calling me to him.

Only in your sick dreams Alex.


End file.
